The Day off…

I so deserved this day off. I so, I so, I so did.
Last evening I came home early from office just because I could not give my mind to the work assigned to me; not because I did not like it. Its computer, code and logic. What else do I need? But I was confused, frustrated and angry on the pace everything was going on with. I have repeatedly shouted many times this month that everything is going slow, but the burst of fury last evening in my head was the realization that in fact, I was the one with the slow pace.
“You need sleep!” “You should sleep a minimum of 6 hours.” “You should have fun too” “C’mon life is about enjoying.”
Well okay, F*** it! F*** it all.
These were the sounds I could hear last evening. Its not work at office. But my own plans, my own goals were not materializing in the pace I wanted them to. “I will join the company, then after 6 months I will get this, then after 12 I will complete this..” and all those plans I had in mind were still just starting, and its been 11 months already and I don’t see any of that going to happen soon.
Yester-night I gave myself a speech. I planned it all out.
Today when I got up, I knew I could not go to work. I knew I had to take this day off. I called my manager and told her I was not well, and technically that was in fact, true. I spent my entire day, doing nothing but watching movies, eating and waiting for tonight. Because, tonight I plan to change it all.
Its not life that is going slow, Its me.
I am not short of opportunities, I am surrounded by them. I just am too lazy to pick them up.
I don’t need to have tags of priorities set to all my goals and pick which when to pursue first. I just need to start.
I need to stop planning, stop thinking. I need to start.
I might come across hurdles, huge ones, some plans might even fail, some decisions will even make me feel stupid later on. But I should stop caring now. Its high time. I need to start.
I don’t give a damn if I miss an or hour or two sleep. I don’t give a damn if I have to skip some meals. But I will start. I will work, without compromising on friends, relatives, fun, party. I want it all, and I am pretty sure I am still not asking too much.
And to everything else that wants to make me believe otherwise …. ohhh! F*** IT!

Happy Ride…

It all actually started with me watching “Little Manhattan”. As I was watching the movie I seriously was a bit, how do you I say it, ashamed and embarrassed by myself within, as I had spent my entire Sunday, working and then watching two Barbie-like movies (I had watched “Hairspray” earlier), even though one of the major reasons for it was that I had fallen short of collections. As the movie ended I actually opened notepad and started writing about true love and how I miss it and some stupid more Barbie-like things with the intentions of finally posting it here. But God saved me with a phone call from a friend.
“Come down soon, we are going to burger barn.” was the divine statement that prevented my deviant thoughts of love and posting about them. And from there it was one sudden and unexpected car ride to Burger Barn, eating the spiciest Chicken Burger in my life, looking at girls around and talking about their … ahem .. about them, crashing at MOD for some donuts, eating the mintiest ‘paan’ ever and spitting it out before the third bite and finally back home. After that two of us just spent the rest 2 and a half hour walking around talking about life, present and the past, digging up several graves and reassuring that most of the things that lay in those graves were dead for good. It is a usual thing… friends hanging out and talking about their past. It many a times helps in reconfirming that it was all for good; except the very occasional talks which ends up with you regretting about something even more, and ending up depressed and crying that you should not have talked about it at all. But luckily this conversation did not end like that, in fact after this entire time the only three things that I carried along with me were:
A. I can eat anything spicy, very spicy… but I cannot handle too much mint.
B. I did good by not completing that blog about love and posting about it.
C. I am definitely going to blog about this.

Adios…

Why did I post about it? Because I felt to, that’s why.

Worth living…

I have found it and constantly re-confirmed the realization that you cant be too sure of life. You cant be completely certain of your feelings. With the several experiences in life after which I had taken a decision to never be involved in love and attachments of any kind; I have spent a lot of my idle times proving to myself why love and attachments makes no sense at all. Why they are stupid, insipid and purely illogical.
However even after all the proofs and a molded and adapted attitude to be indifferent, to cancelled last minute plans, to calculated friendships, and many such things that I found amusingly wrong, I still cant stop myself from feeling good when a friend calls all of a sudden just to ask how I am. How frustrating it is to know that a friend cancelled all her plans just to hang out with you, when you were all sure that people give you time only when that is in some ways beneficial to them, or if they have nothing better to do.Why do people have to call you at the very instant when you think that even deleting that person’s number from your contact list wont make a difference? Why does life have to prove me wrong all the time? I understand the dualities of life and all that crap, but hey for a human being, I love algorithms too much and so comes the derived love for logic. But you life, you make no sense sometimes. For the world of 1s and 0s that human beings today rely on, for the world of sheer logic and mathematical perfection that defines today’s society, you dear life stand away, far away, with your own strings of randomness, chaos and sometimes purely illogical nonsense that still starts making sense somehow, somewhere.
But I think that is necessary for you. Today when we calculate love and define boundaries for emotions, how else will you hold your identity. How else will life be… worth living.

Let thy Music Obey you…

Sometimes in life you really need that pep up, that push to rise above all (at least in your head) and look around the world with a smile on your face and think “Huh! Kids!”

Sometimes in life it feels good to think that after all this time that people have spent with you, they seriously have no idea of who you really are, of what you really are capable of. I like feeling that, and I tend to feel like that very much often as it is quite easy to do it. All I need to do is put on my headphones and hit the play button of one of my song collections, recruited to my playlist for the sole purpose of making me feel ‘AWESOME’. Well of course there are other and probably more preferred options of feeling like that, but it really is fascinating about how music can change the world around you, and sometimes even transform you yourself.

I have ample of moments that I can recollect where I used music to feel good, feel motivated, or furious or even feel sad. I have even advised a heartbroken, heart-shaken and heart-what-not friend to simply delete all sad and slow tracks from his playlist for good and forever. Guess what! It helped him; within days he could see the bright sides of life, which were shining on to his face all along the way, and which earlier he had just chose to ignore.

So if you have a mobile phone, an iPod, an MP3 player or anything like that and if you like spending most of your wee or even non-wee hours listening to music, think about what you want in your playlist. Because strange but an often well acquainted truth that it is, ‘If you don’t set your playlist according to how you want to be and how you want to feel, you will soon start becoming like your playlist’. Ever saw the just-broken-up girl with her headphones on, ignoring the world and looking outside the train window emotionless, you bet she is listening to a sad or a slow song. Of course that songs matches her mood, but why does she want to prolong that feeling, why cant she just put on a track that is peppy, soulful  and swing with it. Please people, if you have a good option to be awesome choose it. And here I would like to quote NPH from ‘How I met you mother’ (or by the name we know him better – Barney Stinson) “When I am sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead”

By the way, check out the two major tracks I use, to feel like a powerful undercover genius (Caution: No Lyrics!),

Death Note SoundTrack – L’s Theme

Naruto Shippuden – Girei (Pain’s Theme Song)

Random Nerves [ran-duhm nurv-s]:

I don’t quite have a plethora of reasons as to why I chose the name Random Nerves, which is what people expect when they come across blog names any different than “ILoveMyPuppy.com” or “DoesGodExist.in”. The name came across my head just when I was thinking in my office’s cubicle about writing a blog. Well the reason I wished to blog, was quite obvious.

I like to think, and I do that a lot. That is one of the reasons I don’t usually get bored when I am alone and partially the reason why people think I am, well how to put it, weird. Well nothing to worry about though; from alien to mutant to even ‘the psychopath who will one day strike the world with his deviant weapons he built in his bedroom’ guy, I have got many nick names and thanks to all my friends who describe me in such pleasant ways, there has been never a single moment when I cease to think, I am not a normal human being after all.

Anyway, I wanted to write about what I keep thinking, but I could not come up with a name for the blog, as usually what I think about, is as random as the Chaos theory, though sadly enough, even that has a pattern. So, I came up with the word Random nerves. Random, because it’s, uh, well, Random, and nerves, because of a more and bore biological reason as to how whatever you think and memorize are actually stored as nerve endings in your brain. .

Anyway, I think I have done my part explaining the name, and now I guess I should just stop and from now on, start jotting down whatever comes to my mind over here.

Adios. Hasta Luego. (Meaning: I have started learning Spanish, and it is kind of cool to show off the language.)