Variable ways of getting happiness

Though I can never choose one day that I can call as my happiest day because:
a. I just cant, and
b. Its a stupid thing to do,
I can surely say that I have had some that can be called as the happiest ones and the day today definitely goes in that box. However its weird enough to go unnoticed, how the definitions of happiness for me have changed a lot; or at least my ways of getting happiness has.

I remember the days when we used to plan study night-outs which eventually turned out into plain night outs with movies, games and fun. I know that I used to love to stay at home all the time and enjoy when hang out means friends coming to my place without me having to get up and leave my darling bedroom.  And I absolutely know how I loved it when I used to hang out with a female friend and on the way home calculate my expenses with a smile when I figure out that I had spent almost nothing.

But yesterday night I had a night out with a friend to study some things and we did it without any other change of plans.I loved the fact that by today afternoon, when he was all set to leave whatever we thought to complete was totally done; something my brain could not have thought could ever happen some one year ago.
My friend called me to meet her, and I left my home within 30 minutes, travelled for an hour in train and rickshaw to meet her, something which my ex lazy ass would have never done.
And I spent a lot, (a lot for me means an amount which after expenditure makes me calculate how I should spend for the rest of the month), something which almost all of my friends would not believe.

I am now back in my bedroom, tired, some grands broke, some skills learnt and surprisingly enough for my ex-brain, my ex-lazy-ass and current friends …. really happy.

I guess with time, your definitions and ways of getting happiness do change, but what matters most is… whether you are still pursuing it.

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Mixed emotions of a Happy Commitate

‘Another friend on the way towards a commitment’. Gosh! every time a female friend gets committed I go through the perfect example of what you call as a mixed emotional state. After a life of chosen celibacy (actually a very customized version of celibacy. One that only excludes commitment. Lets call it “commitacy”) every time a lady friend comes to me and talks things which makes me imagine big neon signs on her head with arrows pointing towards her with the caption “Commitment Alert”, I feel both happy and depressed. You know it is one of those phases of life when you are so happy for a friend getting something she wants and likes a lot and at the same time you even feel depressed that you have one less person to flirt with now. For a man, who has chosen the beautiful path of commitacy it is the occasional flirts and casual dates that makes his road more pleasant.
O don’t give me that “That is so Selfish” look. Its not about being selfish. Its the way a person with a solitary life living in a slum neighborhood feels when one of the neighbors knocks up his door and tells that they are leaving to an apartment in a big residential society. The man will smile and will be so glad that they are moving on for something good, but he also feels sad that he is loosing a neighbor. Not that he ever even planned to visit his neighbors, plan trips with them and all that, but even for a solitary person the idea of not even having an option to be social if ever he feels like it, sucks.
Think of the lady who doesn’t want to have a child ever in her life, and think about how she feels when her medical report shows that she cannot ever have a baby.
Now none of the above two options exactly match what I am feeling, because neither is a commitate (adjective form of commitacy) is in a bad position as compared to his committed friends like the solitary slum guy compared to his neighbors, nor does he ever wish to have an option to be committed to his friends like the ‘no-baby lady’ would later wish to have a baby. But the point is, when a friend gets committed, suddenly, I fall under the pit of realization of how eventually everybody is going to go the same way. You don’t realize that when you have friends with whom you can flirt around, go for casual dates and give them gifts occasionally.
So what will my plan of action now? Nothing! I am going to put on my headphones, grab something to eat and play a music which will make me feel good about my newly discovered word “Committacy.”. And about the whole friends getting committed and me constantly being pushed in the “pit of realization” phenomenon; well, there are some events that are best left alone, and some feelings that are best when left uncontrolled.
Feel happy -> Realize something -> Feel depressed -> Let it go -> and stay smiling. Simple!

Hate to be Idle

I don’t like being idle. I don’t like to sit around doing nothing and having nothing to do; yes there is a difference between doing nothing and having nothing to do. When you are doing nothing, its a choice you made. “I want to lay around and do nothing for 5 minutes.”, “I am going to get some coffee, stand at my verandah and just look pointlessly outside.” Those are the choices that you took. But HAVING nothing to do sucks. Its not a choice you took, its just that you are there, idle, without a choice.

When I am on a couch relaxing, and think of what I am doing I like this to be the answer “I am taking rest from something.” I don’t want to take rest from …. nothing at all. Think about this, you live for, say 80 years (provided you take care of your health, and the world and people take care enough to not kill you). Now, out of that 80 years lets remove all the time that you spent sleeping – doing nothing but lying down resting to probably get across to the next day. Now considering you reached 80 you should have at least slept 6 hours every night, at the least 6. So basically you slept a quarter of the 24 hours that each day gives you. So now looking at the bigger picture you slept for 20 years out of the 80 years you lived. 20 years doing nothing, and I did not count your childhood where you slept more, those medical bed rests, Saturday night hung overs and many more. So even if you slept each day of your life for exactly 6 hours, wasted your time for absolutely nothing; you still have just 3/4ths of your life to live awake, a life which might just end right now because your computer somehow magically blew off while you were reading this or something more probable.

So there, I guess I made my point. You really don’t have much time to “have nothing to do”. Find something to do. It can be work, it can be having fun with your friends, it can be calling someone, taking another shower, reading a book, going for a drive, watching TV, surfing, anything, anything at all. And please don’t do anything for so long that you start missing everything else and it becomes as good as “having nothing to do”.
Watching a TV is something to do, but doing that for an entire day straight is where you should start considering a line of control. So is,
Working non-stop for days
Talking on the phone for hours
Surfing for eternity
or taking a shower for 3 hours straight.
There is a point after which an activity becomes by itself a definition of “having nothing to do”. “Dude! you have been under that shower for 4 hours now.” “So what? I have nothing else to do.” See!

However, you should be happily busy. Yes, for all the people, stuck with jobs they don’t like, you CAN be happily busy.
There is no point being busy but doing something you just don’t like. Some times you really don’t have an option, but remember you never are out of an option for too long. Keep searching for it, do something for it. Don’t be sad and stay like that.
From the point I get up to the point I sleep I make sure I am doing something. Work, surfing, hang outs, parties, just thinking and when I am totally out of anything to do… I just write about how I so, so, hate, to be idle. Simple!

introducing zingurs…

Zingurs…
It’s the one group that has helped me remove even the last dangling traces of Acrophobia I had.
It’s the place where I got the confidence to jump off rocks without the fear of slope.
It’s the one thing that I am always excited about, as it removes me from my usual work and life schedules, puts me on a partially prepared plan and gives me some days of sheer craziness and fun.

Zingurs is actually our adventure group, and today on the 5th of September it finally has a live blog. So I had to post about it here, but I will speak no more. Here is the link to the blog – Zingurs