Sometimes there is no more point in waiting, and sometimes you realize that the situation you currently are in is one of those times.

Still, you do nothing to move on, you do nothing to search for options, and you do not look anywhere else but that long stretch of road from where you are expecting something to come. You can walk yourself, but after waiting so long, you probably are sure there is nothing there and this certainty dwindling in a high probability stops you from walking down that road to see for yourself. For then you may know for yourself that there was nothing to be expected, that there was nothing there; whatever it was that you were waiting for was never going to come. You would then look down on all the time that you spent, or now may be you can call it wasted, standing there waiting for it come. You are afraid that this awareness might be a greater pain than the pain of small deaths you die every day, every minute, every second, of waiting in front of this void. You now have seen this void for so long, that you love the void. You sometimes doubt if you are still waiting, or are just comfortable where you are. May be now the void comforts you to a level, that if some day, your wait is replied to, and you see something walk down that path, you might, for a small second feel sad to leave this void.

This is but void, a nothing, a null, a vacuum, but somehow you have started falling for the nothing, more than the something that you were waiting for. Now the wait is just a pretext but not the only reason to stand there; that explains why I don’t move.

Although I am afraid that it can also explain something else. May be the something that I am waiting for has fallen in love with the other end of this void.


Need a System

Today I give the day to myself, though a big chunk of today was spent in sleeping and coping up with a friend’s hangover, but now it’s for me.

I have thought enough, thoughts that can actually be called as extensions to many other line of thoughts in the same direction that I have had before. I should build a system for myself. A system to live, to do things, to be on track no matter what.
I reckon how much I like the characters of movies who have a system in their life, be it in the way they live, do their chores, or even fold their shirt. I have always wanted to be like that, and I have tried many times too, and there were phases in my life where I have had some success in it but now I want one which is perpetual.

I have lived a large part of my life alone, and another large part of life in the opposite way. And after living both the sides, I have found that I don’t always want to be solitary. I like company, may be not too attached but I still like to be around people, one of the glitches of being a social animal; I am not very sure if I should be calling it a glitch. When there are people involved, there are going to be times when you will be asked or sometimes compelled, to do things that are not exactly on your schedule, that is not exactly on track to what your system defines. Why does that happen? Well, because they are people, and you are too; given that there is no chip controlling us, we cannot be mechanically accurate about living a flow chart. We do have deviations. So I want a system that is fool proof in which it can also adapt, modify and be a system again.
Not very long ago, I was introduced to the concept of Wu-Wei, or the literal meaning – not trying, by a friend of mine. It states how your efforts should not feel like efforts; it should just flow, and adapt and adjust and then again, flow peacefully.

“Be water, my friend” – as Bruce Lee once said. Here is a video with Bruce Lee saying it (the quote is followed with a lot of his moves, which you can skip if you are not into “super awesome things that Bruce Lee can do”)

I want my system to be like that. Still, calm, peaceful and even if something comes up to interrupt the flow, like a pebble thrown in a pond, it should ripple only when it hits, adjust and then be back to being the system it was.

I saw this video that merges the concept of Wu-Wei with another concept laid forward to us by Malcolm Gladwell in his book ‘Outliers’. By this merger the host of the video tried to show how you could achieve the state of Wu-Wei. Malcolm Gladwell pointed out that all successfull people who are legendary in what they do, who look like they were born to do it, have done it constantly for a very long time. They kept doing it, day in, day out, for so long that now their body and mind responds to it, flows with it, and whatever it is that they were doing, is now part of them; be it playing a guitar or even abstract thinking. He gives a figure – 10000 hours; 10000 hours of practice, of doing what you want to be a legend at. The video I mentioned adds another line, that after doing it for so long, it becomes a habit. You no more try to play a tune, it just flows out of you. You think of a tune and your fingers will play it on a guitar without you putting efforts on your brain. That is Wu-Wei right there. Doing something without trying. Wake up regularly at 6 and then you do not need efforts, you do not need coffee; you will wake up, as if your sleep just naturally stops to continue any further after it is 6. That is Wu-Wei too.

I want a system that follows this principle. Something that I will do for so long, that then it will be a part of me; then I wont have to take efforts to follow it any more.

I have tried many systems, but I am going to rediscover myself. I will start from the scratch and keep trying different recipes till I get my system. Something that is rigid, yet flexible.
Something like water.
So today I take the time for myself. Today I start to make a system.