Its that question that many ask themselves and few ask aloud in a crowd.
What is it that a criminal mind thinks that doesnt make him stop while he does a crime?
What is it that a sadist has it going in his head which prevents him from regretting after an act of sadistic self gratification?
The small thing that happened today might not be a big answer to it all, but in some way might answer some of it in a small fashion.
Due to some recent activities that went around in my life, and some recent urges to make a simple contraption to do something that had an easy and cheaper alternative, I had managed to penetrate a knife one inch down in my left hand, in one of those dreaded spots – the place between your thumb and the index finger. I walked for around 30 minutes in a vest and a colored track pant before I could find a doctor. She helped me crack jokes about my injury and the many holes on my muscles and tissues. She assured that I will have a huge swelling within few days and work would be something that I would have to postpone for at least a week.
Having said that, this is one of those injuries, that more than the physical pain, irritates you throughout the day and refrains you from doing anything wholeheartedly; like how I behaved when I was in the bathroom managing to get a shower without getting my injured hand wet. In the process I dropped the hand shower with a huge noise, a noise that makes you sure that something is broken; something was, and it was not my tiles. I did not care about it until the shower was done, and after it was done, I did not care enough. I just picked it up, held it straight to see if it leaks; which I discovered that it did, and then threw it in the half empty bucket. (saying the “half empty bucket” makes me a stereotypical pessimist).
After that when I opened my bathroom door for my evening shower, which happens when I am too bored, too dulled out, and too lazy to take a walk; I heard the sound of water dripping down. It had just started, the sound, which initially sounded like drops soon became a steady stream of water which I soon found was from the now overflowing bucket where I had threw the hand shower. Did I care to do anything now? Well that is a different thing. The primary thing to focus on is what I thought about it.
Two thoughts spawned in my head, and they are presented below in the order in which they had spawned.
A. Why did it start right when I entered the bathroom? It was as if the bucket was waiting for me to come, so that it could over flow and show me that I should have cared more, that the carelessly performed inefficient task for not wasting the water, was not good enough.
B. Or did it actually wait for me to enter, so that I could just introduce a new empty bucket to do the job? So that I can still carry on with my ways so long as I know when it has leaked enough.
Now the question that we asked formerly – Did I care to do anything now? Yes. Yes I did. I changed the bucket.
And that explained a lot to me even while I was doing it. I did not care much to do anything like calling the plumber or even thinking for a better solution. And that is what makes it worse. Now the question which had set the premise to this all – What is the difference in the ways and thoughts of people who we call antisocial and the others? Simple. They do what they do even after they know that they have an option A. They ignore it, or lie to themselves, or justify their choice, and in the end give way to sinful conveniences and regrettable actions. Eventually, they get good at it, sometimes to even a point where they don’t ever hear option A anymore.
The difference, the only one that really matters is Option A, and this should also be taken in a good way (see I am not that much of a pessimist after all). The way this is good is obvious, it assures, that we all have a side that knows the Option A, and even after a person has walked for a long time with Option B, he can still be pulled back to listen to that side.