I have found it and constantly re-confirmed the realization that you cant be too sure of life. You cant be completely certain of your feelings. With the several experiences in life after which I had taken a decision to never be involved in love and attachments of any kind; I have spent a lot of my idle times proving to myself why love and attachments makes no sense at all. Why they are stupid, insipid and purely illogical.
However even after all the proofs and a molded and adapted attitude to be indifferent, to cancelled last minute plans, to calculated friendships, and many such things that I found amusingly wrong, I still cant stop myself from feeling good when a friend calls all of a sudden just to ask how I am. How frustrating it is to know that a friend cancelled all her plans just to hang out with you, when you were all sure that people give you time only when that is in some ways beneficial to them, or if they have nothing better to do.Why do people have to call you at the very instant when you think that even deleting that person’s number from your contact list wont make a difference? Why does life have to prove me wrong all the time? I understand the dualities of life and all that crap, but hey for a human being, I love algorithms too much and so comes the derived love for logic. But you life, you make no sense sometimes. For the world of 1s and 0s that human beings today rely on, for the world of sheer logic and mathematical perfection that defines today’s society, you dear life stand away, far away, with your own strings of randomness, chaos and sometimes purely illogical nonsense that still starts making sense somehow, somewhere.
But I think that is necessary for you. Today when we calculate love and define boundaries for emotions, how else will you hold your identity. How else will life be… worth living.
RANDOM NERVES 